Three Years and Counting

To think three years ago i would find my absolute dream girl. Its pretty odd to make such a claim, especially since i've only recently been in my 20's. But how was I sposed to know at a fresh 18 years old i would have my only chance to say something, anything that would describe how i felt? It's been this long and that one chance is burned into my memory. For the longest time i kept trying to tell myself that, "they're other fish in the sea".

I couldn't of fooled myself better...

For the next 2 years i would talk to girl after girl, trying to find anyone worthwhile. But no, no one would even come remotely close to her. And these girls to the normal eye would be perfect: inpecable beauty, grace, elegance. you name it, they had it, but they weren't (no, aren't) shit compared to her. She is absolutely flawless. I still remember the moment i first even thought about dating her.

I didn't get my truck till a couple months after that October, so the Friday before Halloween we went to the Boardwalk to hang out for a bit. Well after talking a bit i realized that something was troubling her. After asking what the trouble was she told me of the fight she had with her family moments before she left. Turns out her parents forbidded her from seeing me, not because of my character, but because of my skin. Now being a black man in a predominantly white neighborhood, this story was rather old to me. I lost a couple of potentially good friendships because of it, so i was fearing this would our last time together. But instead of accepting her parents decision, she defended me. We've been friends for a little over a year now, and she was particularly a rather quiet girl. You can guess for her to do something like this completely blew me away. Only one other person has done that in my life, and he's now my best friend. Well the afternoon continues with some pool, arcade games and some good ol' Britts donuts. The whole time we go back and forth with flirty comments and what not. Afternoon quickly turns to evening and we're trying to figure out what to do next. Neither of us are ready to call it a day. Then she gets the most obscure suggestion...

"lets go to a graveyard"!!

"Ummm, excuse me?"

I personally have been completely terrified with the supernatural. just something around me that i can't see just bothers me. Literally i won't walk over where a casket is a buried, just cause i'm afraid that it will piss them off somehow. Well she pulls the car over after and starts to walk into the woods, where the cemetery for her church is at. Me? I'm like a good 5 feet behind her, freaking out at every leaf that cracks and each time the wind bellows. She got a good couple of chuckles out of it, and thankfully we moved on. By the time we got to Ft. Fisher it was pitch black out. we broke out a quilt and got bundled up together on one of the rocks to stargaze.

It was amazing...

I've never seen the stars so clear (partly cause i had my contacts in which is rare for me, but even when i do it was pretty damn impressive).  I mean stars i've never seen before, nebula clouds, etc.. you name it, i saw it. Well the flirting continues, and i know a less naive person would of done the right thing and kissed her. I mean it would of been a little cliche under the stars and what not but for the love of God you can't get set up better than that! But for some reason so many things which were so unimportant to that moment flowed in my head and it made me hesitate. things like, "what will my parents/friends think of me with her"? basically the same questions she faced earlier that day. I sincerely regret that i didn't think about what i wanted and just went for it.

Now every other time we would hang out, from then until last night/tonight would be the same. Her country bumpkin boyfriend would fuck up somehow, we'd talk about it and id let the tiniest bit of hope creep in thinking i might have a chance to redeem myself. we spend time together, the spark between us lights up, then she has to go back to him and i'm left bitching about my life again on this god-damned website. It's utterly and completely unfair that this near goddess comes into my life and me, a mere college freshman with barely any clue what to do in relationships, is sposed to make magic happen. Its BULLSHIT! And i just hate that everytime i see her, i'm reminded of my past failures. And to add on top of that, everytime i see her the qualities that have caused me to fall for her just grow exponentially. And her parents ADORE me now! Her mom actually wants me to marry her, and to even think about that is really too much for me. But after tonight i have every intention of seeing that through, because i refuse to settle for anything less than the best. i fucking deserve it! Well thanks a bunch for reading my bitch-fit. Just writing this down makes me feel a lot better and in a way its enpowered me to reach for the top. Until then, ill add Unrequited love as a minor at ECU.

Guess What?

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